The Endless Cacophony of Beeps

A glorious morning. The sun is shining. No alarms are sounding. The cat is lazily purring at my feet. I stretch my toes while I cuddle further into the pillow. A content sigh leaves my mouth, and then I get up to collect my rightful cup of coffee. Sleep covers my eyes as I turn the coffee machine on. "Beep, beep," it chirps to signal me that I have turned it on. Yes, thank you, I know I just pressed the button with the on-symbol. This is a rather fitting way to start a day which is going to be filled with a cacophony of beeping sounds. It's everywhere! I am afraid it is going to drive me insane.
A handy illustration of my suffering
This horror started with our new microwave. The old machine made a gentle sounds, like a bell on an old bicycle. It calmly told you that you can eat your popcorn now. However, the new one - by which I mean almost be ten years old - makes a disgusting and long lasting beeeeeeeep. This machine has ever heard of the words gentle, or melodic. From the corner of the kitchen it is going to shout at you "EAT YOUR POPCORN!" 

This continues at work. Since I am the very first person who arrives I am the brave person who turns on all the printers. They are killers in their own right. Pretty much everything you do will cause a beep. Or two beeps. Or constant beeps until you close the printer drawer again. It beeps after it has finished printing something - fair enough - it beeps once it recognizes which size the paper is. There is a beep when you need to change the toner, and of course a stream of endless beeps when you open anything. And yes, I know that the paper cassette is open because I just opened it! Who do you think did it? George Clooney? The Holy Ghost? The Ghost From The Past?

After the terror of beeping at work, I make my way home, hoping for a quiet train ride and a relaxed evening. But no because now we have new trains and when you press the button to open the door an endless stream of beeps come alive to remind you that yes, the door is opening. It does so until it is opened. I imagine that this would be handy if I were blind, which I am lucky to say I am not, but even blind people don't need the endless torture of beeps. One beep when you pressed the button and one when it is open should be enough. It works for the tube, it will work for a transport system that is essentially a overground tube. Hang on a minute ...

Then my phone begins to beep and because I am never sure if it is my mother who has just fallen down the stairs, or someone telling me about their new favourite shirt, I have check. So I do. The endless stream of beeps and pings always forcing me to look.

Peace and quiet awaits me at home. I can throw the phone in a darkened corner. I can put my feet up and read a book. But then Beep Beep. The washing machine sets off. It just finished a load. Thanks for reminding me, I'll look at it when I finished the cha--- beep beep. No, I told you, I just want to finish reading this. Please. Beep beep. How long do you beep? Beep Beep. Come on, you can't beep for a whole day? ... Okay, now it seems to have stopped. Where was I? Ah, ye-- beep beep.

One time while playing Flight Simulator my programme developed the fault that every time I hit any key it would give me an error sound. Beep beep. I was very tempted to simply crash the whole plane and end the beep beep misery! Then I remembered that sadly it wasn't a real plane, and even simulated planes have a Ground Proximity Warning which goes - beep beep - yes that. So before I'd "die" I'd end in horrible wave of beep beep, beep beeps and  beep beep ... pardon me, someone - and I am afraid that is going to me - will teach a washing machine manners now! This beep! 

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