Wakey Wakey … Five More Minutes


The last weeks and maybe months you only moved out of bed when your stomach was growling, or you needed a pee. And suddenly ... you need to get up early again. It is hell! 

This often happens to students after the summer holiday, when they have exam season but no lectures, or after the month they get off between two semester - students get a lot of holidays, those bastards. Or maybe you had a few nice days between Christmas and New Year.

Then comes the tricky part: the closest you've come to being awake at 6 AM was when you were marathon-ing The X-Files or – if you're the social type – drinking with friends. Suddenly, you need to roll out of bed at 6 AM. It seems impossible!

But do not despair. As always – I have the solution!

Go to bed at your desired time, but make sure you get enough sleep. For some people 6 hours is enough, others need 8. Far and few between some need 6 hours (or less) during working days but sleep 120 during the weekend. Doesn't matter which type you are; just cuddle the pillow when you wish to.

Before you do so: brush your teeth, pack your bag – make sure everything is in it: keys, purse, a good book for the train, headphones, a lighter and cigarettes if needed. Then lay out the clothes you intend to wear tomorrow. Even lay at your pants! Make sure they are comfortable, even if they're your grandma/pa's pants. You do not want to start your day while wearing uncomfortable underwear. Trust me on this. Once you have achieved this you can cuddle the pillow with a calm mind and escape into dream land.  

To make sure you get out of bed the next day you'll need a clever alarm system. This is a science I perfected through eight years of school. I know how to get up before 6 AM. Basically you start your alarm clock 15 minutes before you actually need to roll out of bed. This may vary from person to person. The idea is that every five minutes your alarm rings, to a) make sure you're "still" "awake," b) get out of bed at some point!

I need to catch at train at 6:30 AM and prefer to eat breakfast at this ungodly hour, I also like to take a poo, brush my teeth – not at the same time of course – and make myself pretty. Hence my alarm rings me out of sleep at 5:30AM. But I roll out of bed at 5:45AM.



Despite all efforts, a lot of coffee is needed. Get it. Drink it. If needed in one go. Slosh the whole cup and then the can down if you feel like it. Just make sure you don't soil your pretty working clothes!

Then comes the important thing: you may feel like a zombie at the moment. It is also very likely that you look like one as well. This is all right, it's barely 6AM. But keep in mind that in the end, you may look like a zombie on the train, bus, car or which is your preferred way to get to work/university, but you must not look like one at work! There you will be a beacon of joy, and energy. This means do not bothered to look nice on the train, keep that energy and deploy it at work! After all you get paid at work, and hopefully you enjoy it. You do not get paid for using the train.

Last but not least, even if you do all of the above the best you can do for is hope for an early retirement or a quick death. It comes down to the same … 

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